Do you ever feel like everyone’s life is going on smoothly while yours has come to a halt?
Do you ever feel like everyone has their life planned out while you are stuck? You can’t figure out what to do next. While other’s are “progressing” in life and taking the other step of life happily, you are still figuring out your life? Do you ever feel like this?
Do you ever feel so much pressure (from your parents, friends, partner and even stranger) that even when you are sleeping [which is the moment when you are supposed to relax your mind and body] you feel like your mind might explode because you are thinking about so many things ( getting a job that you actually enjoy, getting that driving license after having a traumatic experience the first time, dealing with “adults” and worldly matters when you feel you are a kid, taking responsibilities – the next chapter of your life)
Do you ever feel so lost in your own thoughts that you can’t even hear the clock ticking near your head or the birds chirping? Do you wake up in the middle of the night at 2 AM and don’t feel asleep again because you start thinking about how will you earn your living when in your country thousands of graduates are unemployed? We’ll I might be one of them soon…
Is this what being an adult means?
I was not prepared for this chapter of my life. Just like after school, I was prepared for college and after college for the university, this time no one told me about this feeling. But, does anybody get the time to be prepared?
No one told me about this friend called insomnia, about these nights thinking about your life and nothing make sense.
While everyone might look happy on social media, no one actually is really ALWAYS happy.
Have a look at my Instagram page and you will think that I’m living the most amazing life. But deep inside, only I know the pressure that is making me feel like I will break down soon, the stress and the fear to fail, to disappoint the woman who worked day and night to make me reach where I am right now, to disappoint my own self, to take the next step, to start a new chapter.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have awesome days, weeks and months. I am grateful and blessed. I have a roof under my head, a warm bed, an amazing family, friends that everyone dreams off and a phenomenal partner. And still, it’s one of those moments where you feel lost, you are at a standstill and you don’t know which direction to take. So you wait, for guidance, for a sign…
These pictures on Instagram and Facebook are just a few seconds of my life that I choose to share because I was happy for a second. I didn’t share the hours of me crying because I’m scared of being unemployed because what I want to do is nowhere to be found where I live right now or worst situation would be getting a job that I hate (thus hating life).
Maybe I’m not the only one in this situation. But right now it feels like I am the only one whose LIFE SUCKS! Maybe it’s because I hide all these feelings that make me like a loser (when really I’m not because I’ve achieved a lot through this blog and on YouTube). At the same time, Real Life is not a fairytale. No matter how hard you work, at some point you will find yourself to be depressed about something, you will find yourself drowning in stress and no one will be able to help you because you hide this side of you from everyone and show only the happy side (I’m guilty of). Maybe the reasons will be different but you will feel like you are lost. 👽
People say it will only get better. I’m still in the phase where I’m stressed and on the verge of a breakdown. I’m still figuring out my future and planning to take the step for the new chapter of my life. I’m scared AF. Once I know if it gets better or not I will update you.
Until then, Hold on- Pray- Don’t give up- Stay Strong. Cry when you feel like crying, throw a tantrum when you feel like but just DON’T GIVE UP! ❤
Until next time…. xoxo